my eyes spoke

this is a tiny "onepage" lovestory.

i hope you all like it:

she looked at him, with such depth that at that moment instaneously he understood. He understood everything. He understood her. He understood how much he meant to her. He understood her love. All this long when words poured out from so many dozen people out he had failed from sensing anything. He was flawed. They say that some of the greatest things can happen with a blink of an eye. But it was that look…that moment left unblinked…that thought passed with such nerve and deep, deep desperation had transmitted such understanding to his mind and slowly to his heart. As growing warmth spread across his chest…a shiver ran down his spine. The warmth ultimately emulsified into a bright spark in his heart setting a question unanswered…
At last I had done it. I had looked straight into his eyes abandoning all fears all covers of unholy shyness beneath…I had dug into his blunt vision. This was what everyone had told me. Look into his eyes…make him love you. But I was afraid…afraid of what might happen…afraid of his thoughts…afraid of…Everything perhaps. Even now I wasn’t sure whether that look had done it but...I felt as if that one second had lifted this huge boulder of my chest. Leaving me free once again like a year back. Why was it was that I loved him so deeply, I never knew and perhaps I never would. It was one of the things that are best left unanswered. Was it really love? I couldn’t answer…I didn’t know. But ask me do I love him?...yes I very much do…
When? Why?...everything seemed to get muddled up. His mind roller coasted over this conscious feeling of uneasiness. Did he love her? No. but he couldn’t tell her so could he. Not because he did have a soft corner for her…he himself didn’t know the possibilities of any love that could blossom. But because he had never felt a stranger could so long for him. That look in her eyes had not only told that how much she longed for his love. But it also gave him pool of mixed feelings…that surrounded her. They were filled with fear. Even after crushing so long. This was all she dared to do. He felt like petting a lamb he was going to slaughter.
Tears filled me as I opened my diary to fill in things. Because even after all that people told me that he wouldn’t deny my love. I knew deep inside that was far to happen. When I looked into his eyes…I saw everything but love. Sympathy, anger, madness…but love. I couldn’t fake that…could I? Some how, I always knew this. Not always but long enough to look back and regret. Why did I happen to see him.,. know him…and fall helplessly in love. I would come out of it, sure. But the question was when? Perhaps it would take forever…thoughts haunted me. My head ached I filled in a glass of water…drank it along with my thoughts. I was amazed a look in his eyes could create such a big ripple in my heart. Wow.
He tapped on the table thinking what to do. Ruffling his hair he picked up the phone and dialed a number he had not used for a long time.rings kept going until it felt like years when someone picked up the call. And he heared a voice he was expecting hard for. He hesitated a moment and then told “hey Sarah, its Mark here…”
They talked for about a long time…perhaps not the longest conversation they had had…but the most revealing. sarah told him, everything about her…and how he loved him. How she would die to see him. Like how she cried for him so bad. Like how she fumed to see him with other girls. It brought tears and laughter to him…and he was amazed whether anyone could keep track of someone like she did of him and smirked at it. He could feel a tear glisten upon his cheek…he felt heavy…she really liked him. How could he break her heart. He wasn’t sure why he felt like this. She didn’t mean anything to him. But he knew after all this time that he meant almost the world to her right now…
I opened the balcony door encountering the cold breeze. I switched on my i-pod like I always did. I looked into the night sky, the darkness spreading thorough me. My mind was blank my head was frozen…for a moment I couldn’t breathe…I was numb with tears. As the wind hit me. I could feel the weight of my tearstained heart. What ever it was I wanted him happy. And I was ready to do anything for it…
He rolled the basketball and slowly thumped it on his bed. Sitting on his bed…he slowly closed his eyes. His mind raced. All she wanted was a smile. A pretence. A company. He could fake that. He didn’t have to hold it to long…she would soon move on. That way he neednt have to be harsh…he opened his eyes…and he threw the ball into his basket, and for the first time…it missed.
Yes, all I wanted was for him to be happy. Happy. How would he be happy if he was enslaved into a relationship. I felt like the boulder fell back in place. But then I knew what I had to do. This relation would maybe not remain forever. But he was going to live much more than it…and so was I and so was my love. I was firm in standing up for my love…but I was determined to do what I wanted…to see him happy. This wasn’t a sacrifice…just like what Herman Hesse said “Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.” I had to do it…because it was how things were supposed to be.
Pulling on his shirt…he looked in the mirror. And for the first time he realized he had grown. Today was going to be long…and important, yeah important. He felt helpless. He needn’t have to do this. He could simply tell the truth. He never bothered about these things. But somehow deep down he felt burdened with annoying guilt. And he didn’t even know why. Hours passed and atlast when it seemed like ages the lunch bell rang. He hurried passed people rushing…some of the school left earlier. Untill what seemed like a quarter hour he found her, leaning on one of the school buses clasping something that looked like a sheaf of papers. He opened his mouth to call her then paused. He was seeing her for the first time properly. Yet he could sense she was worn out. He felt a tinge of uneasiness…then “Michele could i…could I talk to you for a minute?”
“yah…me too” I was so thrilled when he came and spoke to me but all I could squeeze out was that. He turned and led me towards the main school building…climbing the stairs in a sort of harried manner. He was almost there when he looked down where I was climbing slowly…he came down and slightly touched my shoulder and took me with his hand to the terrace. He stopped. Looked away and ruffled his hair. I felt a surge of cold waves gush through my spine…a kind of breeze hit across my face. I felt like pulling him towards me. I looked down. And then at last he spoke, “michelle…I don’t know how to put it…but”
“Just say it…openness often helps.”
He grinned but still looked grave…a sort of maturity had taken over him. For the first time I could feel his eyes carry weight.
“i..”
he turned away again. Ruffling his hair, this time turning towards me suddenly he said. Or rather asked, “could you, could you Michelle be my girlfriend.”
For one second I felt like grasping the dream and sticking with it…no matter what the consequences were. I felt my senses spin. i couldn’t stop myself from waves of elation inflowing me. I felt like…I felt like having entered heaven. But then abruptly I zapped back to reality. I closed my eyes. Then opened it almost the very second saying, “no..”
Ignoring his look I continued. “no not because I don’t love you. I love you like no one can love. but because I have started to love you so much that I can sense you…what you really mean to say.”
“I don’t understand.” He said
“yes, you wouldn’t…”slowly I could feel tears seeping…I sucked them back just in time…and continued. “see, I love you…and perhaps..i can never love anyone else this much…but…” I paused…I looked at him…this time I held it. “mark…just be happy, that’s all I want”and under my breath I added “all I ever wanted.”
I didn’t even realize climbing down the stairs. All I realized was bursting onto the free air. It might have been a more romantic ending if it rained. But it didn’t. perhaps this wasn’t the end. Perhaps…I still had much more to go. I walked on. I looked around the brown scene around. I smiled. I wept. I looked above at the sky remembering “Him that I love, I wish to be free -- even from me.” – Anne.M.Lindbergh

strayed thoughts

When I think of all the time I have wasted I could cry…I was listening to a song by Hilary duff when suddenly I realized something rather important. Perhaps not really that went along the lines of the song but what I was thinking off last night…or in fact dreaming.
And there I knew another article was on its way. And I decided to pen it down.
Three things happened. All of them were rather a strayed bunch of thoughts.
When I was on my way to my school, I saw a little kid clutching his father’s hand with his mother fussing about with his hair. It brought a smile to my face and I looked past time when I was reminded about the time when my father tied me ponies and my mother fussed about with the breakfast…I missed being my father’s little girl and my mother’s annoying brat. Though I don’t show it, I must agree innocence it doesn’t belong to me anymore…
The next thought belonged to my sister’s wardrobe. I remember as a kid she used to wear a blue spaghetti top, which was one of her favorites I suppose because no matter what the day was…she appeared from the bathroom wearing it. It had holes now, apparently it was about five or six years ago. It made me go back to the time when we rolled in mud, played endlessly on the swings…and had food fights and catfights over some of the most absurd reasons. It brought tears to my eyes, but more surprisingly I smiled.

The last yet a very poignant thought was when I realized I had grown. And I couldn’t go back in time. But somehow I wasn’t sad…though I did feel bad. “I love my past. I love my present. I'm not ashamed of what I've had, and I'm not sad because I have it no longer” – Colette. I was happy to see the present. I was happy to see the people around me…and most of all I was happy of what I had become. Maybe it was a young age to experience things, but perhaps it was how its meant to be. Love makes me weep. Love makes me feel its much better without it. But that would never happen. Because its love that fills this world. And it’s all that we need. Surprisingly there’s very few who realize it.

Unfinished….

i just decided to go a lil "bloody" haha, okay here goes nothing, hope it isint too bad[:(]:

The weather seemed pretty rough as gusts wind blew past me. My legs seemed to hurt but I walked on and didn’t stop doing so till reached no, 3, block, Southern Cross lane. I knocked on the door with great anticipation. I dwelled in my thoughts to what seemed like a quarter of an hour or so, until I realized the door hadn’t yet opened. I turned round concluding, that Ed must have not yet returned from work. I debated whether or not to enter through the window then I decide to do so.

I looked inside , but in vain, I was about to return to the window when it struck to me the idea of entering through the window was a result of me seeing it open! But Ed never kept his windows open. it just didn’t seem right, so I arbitrated to have a look upstairs. The silence had completely startled me that even the sound of my breathing seemed eerie to me. After I had checked all the doors and finally made for the bathroom to have a check and when I did so an quick excruciating shudder ran through me. Heaven knows why I didn’t scream .maybe I was numb with shock and this paralyzed situation me to stay motionless and quiet or I wasn’t yet able to take in the fact that …..Ed ………my Edward was …was no more. when this thought crossed my mind a shiver passed through my spine. I couldn’t help weeping and howling in grief. I just sunk on my knees in my unfettered and irreversible pain.
We were going to get married this summer at St. Adolphus church where Edward’s parents were married, Everything had been so perfectly planned …but that was now all gone. and there lay my love…Ed..in a pool of blood…!my wedding dress looked so dainty and winsome as one could imagine. Fantasies of my happy married life had crossed the limits of a layman’s dream. But now all that really seemed a dream very much far…far away from me.

p.s: this is a purely fictious story any resembelance to any thing or person is a pure coincidence.

difficult to understand: love

somethings muddled in mind. that dont really convey meaning...but things that always occupy my mind:

We learn a lot in life. Of pure facts and of the most misted fantasies…but why it is that sometimes there are things that aren’t just the way we can comprehend?

Relations
Love
Discrimination
Fate
I could go on. But here I speak not much. Just about this, seemingly tiny but extraordinarily important thing…love. what is love? is it when butterflies flutter in your tummy every time you think of him…or is when you feel a shiver every time she brushes you. No, I don’t think so. I may not know what love is but I surely know what love isn’t .
Love is not about knowing how much you can cry for him. It is about knowing that you will be able to stop his tears just in time. Its not about buying her loads of jewellery..or pampering her on a date. It’s about able to make her smile every moment you spend together. Love isn’t about how much time you spend together, its about the quality of time you spend together.
Sometimes beauty makes people fall in love. But sometimes it’s amazing when love makes people beautiful. When there’s love everything else just looks right Then why is it that love makes me even more insecure. Why is that every time I see him I just feel like burying my face…why?. Why?.
“Why is it that every time we think it’s over…there always comes another look, another coffee that makes us feel ‘okay. I think this is the one!’ Where there is love, there is pain.” Then why is it that we all helplessly fall into it? And that too again and again…
“'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all” – Tennyson
I try to face away…but it’s true. However far we try to run, it chases us. A shadow that doesn’t hit us right away,but conquers us in the end. A warrior, that enslaves us and never sets us free. A kind of madness, that in itself drugs us to it.

Love is pain. Love is madness. Love is it all and maybe more.

“Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.” - Zora Neale Hurston

Life pains me

i think it needs no introduction its just another random set of questions along the lines of the title:

‘A raindrop hitting the window.

A teardrop splashing on the floor’;
Both are water droplets. One brings joy, the other comes out of joy. Its only sometimes that things like this matter; but then it does make a lot of difference.
Somehow its most of the times that the smallest of things that matter most. Like being able to an ice-cream before it melts or getting a last bench on a boring class or successfully reaching home without a ticket... these are the things, that bring a lovely smile to our face, when we look back at them and smirk. At the end of the day, all of us just want to be lucky. Not winners, not scholars but just lucky enough to remain happy.
“What everyone wants from life is continuous and genuine happiness.” - Baruch Spinoza
why is it that we don’t know what’s going to happen. Why is it that we don’t know that the scratch we have bought is a bogus? Why is it that we don’t know that the relations we walk into are going to break? Wouldn’t it be better to know these things beforehand so that we don’t have to face the breaking despondence?
Disappointments is one thing and pain another! Wouldn’t it be better to know what’s going to bring that stabbing pain? Its life to not know of the consequences, but then why is it that we walk into these mishaps? Why cant we stop our hearts from breaking? Why cant we stop our tears from flooding? Why cant we stop the people we love from walking out of our lives?
I question. I indulge.
Life pains me.
But again, ““The best way out is always through.”- Robert Frost